Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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