I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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