Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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