I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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