About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
