rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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