that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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