Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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