The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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