I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
