Kiss
Puke
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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