Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
