If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
