I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
