I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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