I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
