booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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