If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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