Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
