Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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