not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
