I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I want a musical about memes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
