Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
