She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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