Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
