Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
