I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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