His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I did not marry a roomba.
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