People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
