at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
