i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
