I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
