im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
