Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
