I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
