need another drink. this is the easiest way
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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