ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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