I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
