so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
