I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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