sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
