that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
