I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
