remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
