She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
