i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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