The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
