On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
