hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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