forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
