Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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