I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize