after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize