I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
