i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
