can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
