Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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