then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my shit smells like andre
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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