Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
