Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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