I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
