I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
