I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Panties = found
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