yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
