dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
