Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
