can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
