Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
