i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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