THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
