last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
