mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize