how can u be prego again
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
