I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize