Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
