Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
