PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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