some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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