As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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