the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
