I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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