moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
