she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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