I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
