You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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