I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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