after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize