I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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