New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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