Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
