It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize